The Arts in My Life

Music, film, dance, photography, visual art- what arts do you participate in and what do you enjoy consuming? What books did you read? What movies did you see? Are there areas you wish were more a part of your life, actively or passively?

 

I think every area of the arts is for the most part absent from my life. I like to think that because I watch Dancing with the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance I could be classified as devoted to the performing arts. I also enjoy the Nutcracker on PBS at holiday time. 

Then, I also like American Idol which makes me a music lover and critic or is J-Lo the attraction here. Occasionally too, on PBS there is the NY Philharmonic or NYC Opera on Great Performances. I also watch the Kennedy Center Honors nights. Am I there yet, the devotee of the arts?

I hope not. This is minimal at best. I would love to be present at many live performances. Here near the Berkshires, the opportunities abound with the Boston Symphony, Pops, and Ballet. There are numerous attractions with the Canadian Brass, James Taylor, Arlo Guthrie. There is Jacobs Pillow for dance; MacHayden Theatre for Broadway; Shakespeare and Company for original and contemporary approaches to the work of the bard. If I could get to one of these events each summer, I will have risen above the minimum, and I may be a better person for the experience.

Defining moments

I f I were to describe a defining event for 2011, I would choose eating out on the occasions when my spouse was in the hospital.. I quickly realized that it was not fun eating alone in a  restaurant or diner. However, I was able to buy and eat whatever I wanted, and able to choose places that I wondered about.

One place always had lots of cars at all hours. I stopped there for a grilled cheese sandwich' basically, it was terrible, drab, and uncolored. I crossed that place off my list of places to go. I tried the Dairy Queen a few times. Not much ambiance, but I often met someone I knew from school, and who would engage in some conversation. I skipped Pizza Hut, found okay, but boring food at the place across the street;, overdone, but quick service at the Plaza, and slow but tasty food at Applebees
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The best place for me was Earth Foods, which served hefty portions of tasty food, with  various ethnic choices all at reasonable prices. There was an interesting clientele and an opportunity to talk to people. I liked the placa and went back whenever possible.

And then, finally there is the question of good quality, earth grown food, versus pretty good normal fare. I paid $15 for that lunch in the diner where all the food was locally produced from relishes and beer to milk and burgers. The very next day, in haste, I ate in the hospital cafeteria. Maybe it was the holidays, but I had a well stuffed chicken salad half sandwich on dark pumpernickel roll and a cup of Green Mountain coffee, all for 2.75.

It all makes me wonder: is there sheer quality worth paying for? or is there something to be said for well prepared lesser quality food? How do you know?

So how is this defining? I don't want to eat alone. .

I want to eat well

What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

The thing I would like to accomplish next year is to eat well. I am a decent cook, but in the past few years, I have settled for less, reduced my expectations; dabbling in frozen and prepared foods, apologizing for it by saying it adds variety with little effort; picking up a delicious pizza because it is sooo good, so easy and easy to eat.

I went to a new diner in Hudson today. Everything on the menu is grown locally, raised organically, etc. from soup to beer, eggs, milk shakes, vegetables, fries. They gave me a list of farms where the produce is grown. And they handed me a menu which featured lots of burger from the black angus bovines they raise a few miles out of town, and a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, again from local farms.

I ordered that sandwich, which included local fries and a pickled beet and a small milk shake; total bill was about $15. What???? Well other than the grilled cheese, it was the least expensive item on the menu. It was a good sandwich. I should say great.

Now to the point of achieving in the next year... the owner of the diner knows the food is expensive at is diner. He counters this with good food costs money. It is expensive to produce, so you pay a premium price here for quality. I do not want to pay an arm and a leg for food next year, but I do want to upgrade the quality of what I eat and serve to others.

I intend to work on this by: 1.shopping farm markets, 2.buying organic, 3.growing some of my own food, 4. looking for food that smells good and feels good rather than the lowest price automatically, 5.baking bread and desserts, 6. buying in smaller quantities, 7. avoiding prepared foods, 8. supporting local farmers by talking up their virtues, 9. taking my time in preparing meals,10. assuming that others want the best also.

I will feel very happy when that first quality meal comes out of my kitchen with a table full of guests, involved in great conversation.

Joy in ordinary moments

Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

There were many tender moments and moments of love which gave me profound joy. There were moments of joy when I had a different experience with my family members. Seeing a person walk after a long period of inactivity is pretty inspiring. But the moment which stands out as really joyful...

It is silly. One of the recommendations given to us by the occupational therapist was to install a shower that had zero thresh hold, and large enough for a rolling shower chair. This meant, removing the old shower, refinishing the walls, leveling the floor, installing a drain where it could be serviced, and of course the plumbing. I am a DIY person.

As I researched the available type stock shower stalls on line, all had the drain in a place that would have been inaccessible for installation. My arm was not long enough.

I had read somewhere about installing ceramic tile showers. My experience with tiling had been limited to floors and walls adequately installed and serviceable, not necessarily pretty.

We went for it anyway, with a vague idea about how it should work. We used beveled siding to form the edges of the shower floor and covered that with frostguard. We cut a hole for the drain where we wanted it. We affixed the drain to a piece of cement board, and cemented everything in place, trying to make sure that the drain was a little lower than the rest of the shower floor, and the outer edge of the shower was low enough for a wheeled chair to roll over, but high enough so water would stay in the shower... all iffy at best.

I purchased some stone tiles, cemented them down, grouted them, with great apprehension. Is the drain low enough, will I have a waterfall cascading over the shower thresh hold into the rest of the bathroom? With these thoughts in mind, I waited a day. Then I put up the shower curtain. I turned on the water, and to my amazement, there was a soft trickle of water into the drain as I showered. There was no flood in the bathroom area.

That was the best shower that I had in days, and that was sheer joy in an ordinary moment of life.

Food for thought

What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

This is a difficult topic. I like food, but depending on circumstances, it is good or better.

Take birthday cake, for instance- if it's your birthday, it is usually great no matter what, and the more cake you eat, the longer you live. I would say that birthday cake touched my soul, contributing to my longevity in some way. But  the cakes are forgettable, as they mush together in a lifetime of cakes  for all occasions.

Amy's dinners, found in your local supermarket's frozen food department, was another delightful treat this year. The spiced Indian meals palek paneer, or lasagna, became a tasty addition to the weekly table adding variety without hard time in the kitchen. Did it touch my soul? I don't think so.

Now, for the real deal... vegetable stew with plenty of squash, carrots and other tasty items, topped off with a dollop of plain yogurt. Add a slice of cheese, some crusty bread and a salad, finally crowned with a group a friends whom you have known for years in conversation and laughter, and of course chocolate cake with chocolate mousse frosting... that becomes an unforgettable meal. This happened tonight.

It is not the food that matters, but rather the community built around the meal. It is the sharing of fun and ideas. It is what comes out of your mouth around the table that makes it possible for what goes into your mouth to touch your soul.

Leaving a Mark

Where did I leave a mark in 2011?


Today, there is no doubt in my mind where I left my mark in 2011. It is in the care that I have afforded to my wife over the past ten or so years, and especially this year. I don't like to brag about things like this. It hurts to think about. It just plain hurts.

Today, after witnessing an overall decline in my dear's health and awareness, which had been partially brought on by a wierd twisting of her leg as she made a transfer from one seat to another, I decided to bring her to the hospital to be checked out. I was encouraged to do this by my son and daughter, and my sister. Could this be a broken or partial fracture that needed real attention? Would inattention be her undoing in life? I acted. I called our Doctor to inform him that I was about to call the ambulance. He said go ahead. I called, and within fifteen minutes, the EMTs and the ambulance was here. They carefully bundled the patient to protect her from the cold and proceeded to the hospital. Considering that it is a 20 mile trip to the hospital, it was astounding that the whole thing from my call to 911 to the time of entry into the ER took less than an hour. Service in the country is not so bad.

At any rate, it has become my life to make the call in these decisions about health care for another person. It is onerous, and challenging, but doing it for one you love adds pain and intense anxiety. My mark has been made in deciding the course of action so another gets the necessary care, and doing this over time.

As a note to this, my wife is okay, resting well, getting care, and will be home for the holidays to enjoy that great tree  (photo  in yesterday's post.) We will have a great time. Perhaps, as I think further about it, my mark is that tree.

Favorite photo

I sifted through my photos from the past year, looking for the one which revealed the real me.

My  favorite snap shots are of  me celebrating in some way. However, the snapshot that I have chosen has my wife and children iin it. The photo was taken on Christmas day, 2010. the four of us are sitting or standing in our favoirte room, the back porch. Snow glistens through the windows in the early morning sun, and the four of us are apparently very happy, although bedraggled because we stayed up too late the night before, or more likely, because we rushed to the tree without wasting time to get spruced up, anxious to see what Santa had deposited for us this year.

 The picture shows a tight knit family, pleased that Christmas has come again, and that we could enjoy ourselves. It shows my recovering wife, bright and cheery, but oviously frail. My daughter, tall, tired and beautiful and glad it's Christmas.  My son, cradling a cup of coffee in our traditional Christmas mug, strong arm around his mother in a protective gesture. I have my arm around my daughter, apparently grateful for the love and company of family. always been proud to be a husband and father.I Santa was very good to us last year.

Loving husband and father- is a neat definition of my life. You could call this my style, and that can go on my gravestone.

I have substituted my second favorite photo for your delight. the original that I spoke about above has been censored!!! Enjoy our tree, and you see why this is our favorite room.

Dear Phil

Dear Phil,

Life comes at you fast, so be ready for anything. The only thing that endures is love, but  this takes lots of care, patience. Above all, enjoy yourself. Even in the middle of difficulties. The difficulties may be long or short. Bottom line, you have to keep moving and be able to enjoy your life. So also, take care of your self as you take care of others.

Dream... it's okay. Remember the past, think of possible futures.

Relax... everything doesn't really depend on you. Do your share, take the best care, and you have done all that you can or need to.

From the old guy, with love.

A Balloon Ride:maybe next year

Of all the things on my to do list in life, and which I didn't do this year, I will have to put hot air balloon ride close to the top. I just did not make time for it as I should have. I see the balloons often as I travel around the country side. I know there are hot air balloon festivals in the nearby Adirondacks, and other places. I have been to fairs where they take you up, although tethered, so you don't blow away. It all seems very safe. Still a bit scary.

I can't think of anything more enjoyable than to have a gentle breeze at your back, scaling mountains and rivers, gazing at little critters in the fields below, and nothing but blue sky above.

I intend to get to it this year. Times a wasting! Where's that bonus?

Travel

Our travel for the year was limited  to a few days at Newport, RI, and trips to New Haven,, CT.

Newport is always fun. It is a walkaable city with marinas, shipyards,fishing, clothing outlets, and Panera. There are more pre-1800 building in Newport  than in most any other city in the USA. We love to move around the area, admiring the moldings, window frames, and colors. Some people take extra special care of their gardens. There is a beatiful park near the Goat Island bridge

New Haven is a day trip from where we live. We can go to visit the city in the morning, get to a lot off places, like the Yale libraries, have dinner, and be back for our favorite TV programs in the evening.   We enjoyed New Haven because of the pleasant reception we get, and the excellent tour service provided by our daughter.

Next year, we will defintely make more trips to New Haven, and maybe Litchfield, CT. You never know. We may end up in Florida if we have a repeat of the weather like last winter.

Chapters

The first years, Chapter one, I call the age of innocence and bliss during which time I experienced lots of love and affirmation from my family and those around me. This lasted, strange to say, until I was about 25 years old. This worked for me, and I wish others could have a similar benefit. It was not the love and affirmation which ceased... it never did... and it continues to this day.

Chapter two I call the age of conflict and romance. I must say there is always conflict in life, and there was before this age when this chapter begins. The real change here is the romance, because at this stage of my life, I met the most wonderful woman ever, and had to make many adjustments against seemingly great odds to pursue this love. Together we decided to forge a life, despite the difficulties. I followed the advice of my father: Do what is good for yourself, even if it may not be what others may expect. And the sage quip of my brother, scribbled on a card in a gift of a cowboy belt with a huge buckle "Be daring!" The buckle really hurt when I wore it, which wasn't too often. Love and affirmation from family and friends continued.

Chapter three can be called the age of love and understanding. This is a progression from the previous stage where the fruit of romance becomes a deep and abiding love.We learned much from each other and our love deepened. We worked together, had lunch togeter, shared the chores, switching off on laundry and the dishes. We had common funds, tried nefer to out do one another at gift times, and made Valentines Day and anniversaries fun instead of gotcha times.We raised two exciting children, who continue the excitement part to this day.

I wrote those three chapter headings almost ten years ago. I thought they would suffice for the rest of my life... I mean what can happen after love and understanding.

Today I would call the fourth chapter Caring love and loving care. It has grown to become about 25% of our married life. It has challenged me to learn so much about advocacy, care giving, medicine, and so much more that I wish I did not have to learn. But I have learned about myself too, and what it takes to carry on with hope and a dream. I do not think about what's next, but I still believe that I will live ten years longer than my father did. That chapter should be a doozy..

To be or not to be invisible: Try!

Today, I had about an hour and a half to do some things that I wanted to do. The agenda included a trip to a hardware store and to a supermarket. I had my list, and went straight to my work. I felt like I was an invisible person, speaking only to the cashiers at the two stores, returning to my car and driving home. It was a beautiful drive each way with the sounds of the 60s on the radio. Perhaps if I had stayed in NY rather than cross the line to Massachusetts, I would have met some one I know, and the experience would have been different. I could have had the same sounds on the radio and an equally pleasurable ride and perhaps some nice "how are ya's".

I would like to try to become less invisible in the next year. I could do this by staying in NY State for shopping as much as possible. I could visit the local downtown where there are people I know who run the shops. I could have a beer in a local tavern, and maybe see some old friends.

Another step to becoming less invisible would be to invite people in for a one hour conversation once or twice a week. I would be kept abreast of the gossip, and perhaps become interested in something outside my world.

I will try  to be less invisible next year.

Realizations

I think I realized this year that my life should/could likely extend past 100 years. I based this on the fact that my father lived to almost 95, my mother to 88, aunts and uncles who have exhibited the same longevity, and grandmothers who lived to near 90. The grandmothers had problems, but made it. The aunts and uncles were relatively free of the common killers of our day until near the end. Mom survived well past the bouts of heart, circulatory issues,  and hypertension that afflicted her in her forties and fifties. And dad lived over 20 years after a heart attack. Hence my conclusion that over 100 is a possibilty for me.

For me, this means I should continue doing things right. A good diet with as little meat as possible; exercise daily   if possible, 3 or 4 times a week as an alternative, walking or nordic track; maintaining a positive outlook on life;   engage in stimulating conversations or produce some kind of written work; laugh more; summon up the optimistic  me; dream.

Friendship

My friend Will died early this past year. He was an incessant questioner about everything, except when it came to caring about people. When people went missing in his life for a period of days, weeks or months, he called the person to assess their situation and offer help if needed. At least he was that way with me.

Will got a group of us together over ten or eleven years, and we discussed god, ethics, death. We studied the theory of relativity.  We studied Buddhism and Christianity (as we had  come to believe it and as it had developed over time.) Will helped us through our readings and discussions to  develop adult ideas about the universe, the church, god, and afterlife.

His seminars have helped me come to terms with what happens in a battle that is difficult. I have been able to find strength in the world of medicine, in friendship, and in my own inner resources. He truly changed my perception of the world over time, and I am a better person, because of him.

One of the first books that our discussion group tackled was "Why Christianity Must Change or Die" by Bishop Spong, if anyone is interested.

Money???

Funny... I thought that the way it is for me. But if someone asked me for money, I would probably not give it to them. I like giving to charity when there is a real purpose, preserving history, feeding a particular poor child, helping in a disaster like a hurricane or earthquake. I think if money really were no object, I would like to be personally engaged in efforts that benefit people who have been wiped out, or need rebuilding. I would travel to New Orleans, or Haiti, or Honduras, or Africa, and get dirty with the people, and sweat, cry and laugh with them. I am hoping to live another 35 years, so you never know. Money may be an issue over the long haul.

So maybe I might take measures to assure that I have time for me, and those I love. I will make sure there is time to visit, to share, to spend time in nice places like Truro or Wellfleet, and the beaches nearby. And there are the distant mountains, the Tetons,  and the in-between places where I have some friends. And perhaps even go south which I do not know well enough.

Things I do not want to forget

Sitting on the deck in the evening, looking up at the wonderful stars on August 24, the day of my eye surgery, enjoying the moment with Dan and Meg.

Arriving in the hospital room after my wife awoke from surgery, and she was okay, and smiling.

Spending an evening at dinner with my fire company friends, and receiving an award for service rendered. I sat with some of the youngest members of the department, and they are enjoying life. 

Meeting, greeting,  laughing with my family and friends at my birthday party. I like to celebrate birthdays ending in zero, and double zero. My father lived to be 95... I should be able to make it to 105 (35 more years.)

Enjoying an afternoon with family and friends, and discussing with young people their hopes. This was  Memorial Day party, and it was alive and fun.

The Christmas Party at Mike's. There seemed to be a new kid every minute I was there.

Quiet moments with my wife as she rested, and as I rested. We took turns on the couch, and she seemed to enjoy watching me nap.


Newport, RI- navigating the downtown area with Phyllis in the wheelchair. It is amazing how we can get going if we want to.

A good book... The Help.

Walking with my daughter in Hudson, along the river, and visiting the winery with her.We bought some good  wine and some not so good, but the ambience was perfect.

Repairing the garage with my son, so it wouldn't fall down, and cooking out with him, the things he likes to eat.

Baking panetonne for Christmas. I feel like my mother.,

In appreciation

As I stare out at the snow covered trees, brilliant in the early morning sun, I appreciate the beauty of this moment. I can see a red cardinal, resting in the trees, planning his flight to food and companionship.

Last evening as I turned out the lights and pulled the shades, the world outside  glittered with moonlight reflecting of the snowy ground and bushes.

Yesterday morning, it was cold with a fresh blanket of snow over the trees, the driveway, the hills beyond the trees... and the limbs on the trees drooped to near breaking, but withstood   the weight. This cold and snow seemed to signal the end of fall around here. Prior to then, it had been unseasonably mild.

This summer, I had cataract surgery, and my world went from being dull, with an orange haze over everything to being brilliant and sharp.  I could see the stars at night as individual stars, in relationship to each other. I can see the leaves on trees as separate from each other, each endowed with its own beauty, yet forming additional beauty in the trees.

I have come to appreciate sight, and the doctors who help to assure that we can see. And I show my appreciation by being more observant of the amazing land and sky around me.  

Action and aspirations: to continue writing

I like this part. It gives me the opportunity to get off of the "poor me, caregiver" part of life, and move into some action, not necessarily related to that part.

For many years I had been an officer in our local fire company, maintaining the books and funds. In the past ten years or so, I attended maybe three meetings, but was always re-elected treasurer. I did it from my desktop and all was well. I retired from that position over a year ago because even that took me away from my main objective of care giving. The same thing happened with my position as chairman of the publicity committee for the local historical society. I took pride in generating press releases, feature articles, and ads, and generally raising the awareness of te society throughout the community. I was invisible, but invaluable, but certainly replaceable. A real committee took over that position, and I was relieved.

The writing bug stuck with me. I created my own website www.philpalladino.com and attached a blog to it. (My reverb 11 blog is also accessible through the site.) But my writing dwindled as the exigencies of life eroded my time to compose and to blog. I enjoyed the few articles which provided a window to my youth and a portal to my current thoughts.

So here's what's going to happen. I have every intention of following through with the 31 days of reverb. I write late at night, just to get it in. I have also discussed the continuation of a reverb type writing for another 31 days throughout the month of January. My daughter is willing to join in this endeavor, and we will either write prompts for each other, or obtain prompts from an outside source. We have not decided on theme, or whether we will go for real life or fantasy.

I hope that by the end of January, we will have each added another 31 pieces to our collections of writings, and then continue throughout the year. It is ambitious. We will revise as we go, but we will produce a body of work that is ours, and will be memorable to us.

Wisdom: be serene

 “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” (Reinhold Niebuhr, and adopted by AA)

This is the serenity prayer. This prayer is often in my mind when I ponder life as I know it today. I do not think much about the god to whom it is addressed. I believe that each of us are in charge of our own destiny, and nothing happens from the god(s) around us. We have what we have; we can change for good or ill; we can make a difference in our situation in life; we are all important and have power.

I look to prayers, scriptures, poetry, songs,all kinds of writings for inspiration and as points of wisdom which help to move me and guide me in a purposeful courageous life.

So I think the wisest decison that I made this year was to be serene in the face of difficulties, to relax in crises, and be useful when I can be. The serenity is contagious, and benefits those who are in contact with me... I think. At any rate, this is the wisdom that I have experienced this year, and it has been good for me.

My heart is steady, my blood pressure is normal, my attitude is good, and I have picked up a walking routine that is enjoyable and challenging.

Walking tall defeats fear

In the  1950s and 1960s, Jimmy Piersall played center field for the Boston Red Sox, and several other teams. He was a pretty good ballplayer, known probably more for is antics on the field rather than his playing ability. I saw him climb a fence in center field to make a great catch. He often was confrontational with other players or fans. When he hit his 100th career home run, he rounded the bases and then unrounded them running backward from home to first. He was in and out of mental hospitals throughout his career and diagnosed as having a bipolar disorder. He is best known for a book he authored about his struggles with the affliction, Fear Strikes Out.

This summary of the book appears on Amazon.com-"The story of a man who became mentally `sick,' and how, through competent medical care, the help of a sympathetic and most understanding wife, the patience and encouragement of manager, teammates and fans, and above all his own splendid courage, he made a complete recovery and resumed his baseball career. . . . How he overcame his fears is a dramatic, heart-warming story. It is most refreshing to read how the Boston Red Sox, from manager down, backed up Jim in his fight for rehabilitation, and helped him regain the confidence that brought him back."-Library Journal (Library Journal )

Although I do not have the disorder or the problems detailed in the Jimmy Piersall story, I find many things to be scared of in life. The vicissitudes of care giving prompt a lot of fear, about the care to be given, the choices along the way, the frustrations of rehab and therapy. The general decline of my loved one whom I have known for over 40 years, and who has always been there for me, sparks fear too..

I overcome fear with a great support group of family and friends. But it all comes down to one bottom line, an attitude that tells me to walk tall, with deliberation and determination. Fear may stalk but have no control. Fear strikes out!

Social Gathering of the Year: Occupy

I guess the social gathering of the year was the "occupy" movement held in various cities and towns around the world. It all started at Wall Street, NYC. My experience with this movement is almost solely by watching CNN, although I was on the fringe of it one Saturday in October when I visited New Haven, CT.

It all reminds me of the sixties when there were a succession of issues addressed by demonstrations including civil rights and the Vietnam war. There was always my side trying to convince others that it was right to have equality for all under the law or the war should end. The sounds of MLK Jr. echoed in our ears as we stood staunchly before the Lincoln Memorial in silent vigil supporting the passage of the civil rights act. There was a twinge of fear as counter demonstrators associated with the neo-Nazi party protested  for the opposite view fifty feet away from us. There was joy and celebration as the civil rights act was passed.

I know the same thing is going on with the occupy movement. It all gets very crazy at times. Peaceful demonstrations can become violent. Sometimes people get hurt. But persistence is necessary to win the day and the years.



I liked the tents and the organization. The drums added sound,  but also annoyance. Guitars are better.

Are these demonstrations a party? If by party is meant a social gathering where ideas are exchanged, where there is a bonding among participants, where food and drink are shared, all for a cause or common aim, then occupy is a party.

Finding Community

Hurricane Irene came to this peaceful mountain valley in August of 2011. With it came over a foot of rain which turned normally low or dry creeks into turbulent, turgid rivers which cover about 100 feet of  pasture land and farms on both sides of the creek beds. fields became lakes with swift currents. And the water table rose. Dry basements had water up to the floor joists, wiping out furnaces, water heaters and water pumps, destroying the entire contents of basement, even threatening electrical fuse boxes.

Although the firehouse itself had been heavily damaged by the surging waters, it was the fire companies who tirelessly moved from house to devastated house to aid the victims along the road where most of the damage had occurred. They set up pump operations in each basement and patiently pumped the water out, came back again if needed, offered comfort and good humor; sometimes despite similar issues in their own homes.

I have been a member of the fire company for many years, but have been unable to respond to any calls in recent years. Instead, I have been a consumer of their services. I reluctantly called them during hurricane Irene, and help came. So many people were in such dire straits at the time.

The fire people are all volunteers. It was here that I found community in 2011.

Where I live makes a difference in community. There are only a few people in this area. We have always pulled together for emergencies and tragedies. We have often gotten together to celebrate the good times. It is a community where people are aware of each other, but not intrusive, and when the time of need is at hand, the community stands firm with you.  

One moment (or two)

It was a beautiful sunny summer day. A slight breeze cooled the potential heat. People came from all over to the tent in the back field. Hot dogs and hamburgers had been grilled, and the aroma hung in the air. People were extremely cordial. They laughed a lot, as did I. Bug spray and sun screen, children's voices enjoying the pool. I addressed the throng with with the taste of frosting in my mouth and the reverberation of Happy Birthday in my ears. For these moments, it seemed to be only me that mattered, and I was alive... but then there is another moment.

My love had just awakened from a nap on the day bed, and now we sat, side by side, in the sunny room, Celtic Treasures playing in the back ground, embracing, holding each other, knowing,caring, loving. This moment without end!

Alignment

Resignation is not really a negative. Rather, it denotes for me the coming face to face with reality. When I was able to do that I was enabled to do something creative to deal with my situation. 2011 began when I realized that a minivan is impossible to board for a handicapped person. (We are not talking here of someone who is other abled.) So in December of 2010, I decided the van had to go, and with the coaching of my son and daughter, I traded down to a Honda Accord. This amazing car can carry everything needed to manage handicapped life while travelling. We spent a great week in Newport, RI in June. The seats are closer together, so there can be conversation, and there is less engine noise.

As mentioned in the first blog, a number of creative solutions were taken through out the year to address a variety of issues. I had never created a shower using stone tiles and cement board before. And it works. The water stays in the shower.

These issues of accessibility were in my mind when 2011 began, and I was able to face the questions and arrive at creative solutions. Hence my optimism for 2012.

Resignation

Resignation sums up the year 2011 for me. I traded my minivan for a Honda sedan. I bought a lower profile bed. I installed a shower with no barriers, and a washbowl that accommodates a wheelchair. I built a ramp from the top step of our deck to the grassy area below. Why? Because I realized, after years of optimism, that my love  will need these accommodations for as long as she lives. It helps her: it helps me. But I am resigned to the fact that all of this is necessary  for us. Resignation is the word of 2011. Optimism will be the word for 2012.