Leaving a Mark

Where did I leave a mark in 2011?


Today, there is no doubt in my mind where I left my mark in 2011. It is in the care that I have afforded to my wife over the past ten or so years, and especially this year. I don't like to brag about things like this. It hurts to think about. It just plain hurts.

Today, after witnessing an overall decline in my dear's health and awareness, which had been partially brought on by a wierd twisting of her leg as she made a transfer from one seat to another, I decided to bring her to the hospital to be checked out. I was encouraged to do this by my son and daughter, and my sister. Could this be a broken or partial fracture that needed real attention? Would inattention be her undoing in life? I acted. I called our Doctor to inform him that I was about to call the ambulance. He said go ahead. I called, and within fifteen minutes, the EMTs and the ambulance was here. They carefully bundled the patient to protect her from the cold and proceeded to the hospital. Considering that it is a 20 mile trip to the hospital, it was astounding that the whole thing from my call to 911 to the time of entry into the ER took less than an hour. Service in the country is not so bad.

At any rate, it has become my life to make the call in these decisions about health care for another person. It is onerous, and challenging, but doing it for one you love adds pain and intense anxiety. My mark has been made in deciding the course of action so another gets the necessary care, and doing this over time.

As a note to this, my wife is okay, resting well, getting care, and will be home for the holidays to enjoy that great tree  (photo  in yesterday's post.) We will have a great time. Perhaps, as I think further about it, my mark is that tree.

Favorite photo

I sifted through my photos from the past year, looking for the one which revealed the real me.

My  favorite snap shots are of  me celebrating in some way. However, the snapshot that I have chosen has my wife and children iin it. The photo was taken on Christmas day, 2010. the four of us are sitting or standing in our favoirte room, the back porch. Snow glistens through the windows in the early morning sun, and the four of us are apparently very happy, although bedraggled because we stayed up too late the night before, or more likely, because we rushed to the tree without wasting time to get spruced up, anxious to see what Santa had deposited for us this year.

 The picture shows a tight knit family, pleased that Christmas has come again, and that we could enjoy ourselves. It shows my recovering wife, bright and cheery, but oviously frail. My daughter, tall, tired and beautiful and glad it's Christmas.  My son, cradling a cup of coffee in our traditional Christmas mug, strong arm around his mother in a protective gesture. I have my arm around my daughter, apparently grateful for the love and company of family. always been proud to be a husband and father.I Santa was very good to us last year.

Loving husband and father- is a neat definition of my life. You could call this my style, and that can go on my gravestone.

I have substituted my second favorite photo for your delight. the original that I spoke about above has been censored!!! Enjoy our tree, and you see why this is our favorite room.

Dear Phil

Dear Phil,

Life comes at you fast, so be ready for anything. The only thing that endures is love, but  this takes lots of care, patience. Above all, enjoy yourself. Even in the middle of difficulties. The difficulties may be long or short. Bottom line, you have to keep moving and be able to enjoy your life. So also, take care of your self as you take care of others.

Dream... it's okay. Remember the past, think of possible futures.

Relax... everything doesn't really depend on you. Do your share, take the best care, and you have done all that you can or need to.

From the old guy, with love.

A Balloon Ride:maybe next year

Of all the things on my to do list in life, and which I didn't do this year, I will have to put hot air balloon ride close to the top. I just did not make time for it as I should have. I see the balloons often as I travel around the country side. I know there are hot air balloon festivals in the nearby Adirondacks, and other places. I have been to fairs where they take you up, although tethered, so you don't blow away. It all seems very safe. Still a bit scary.

I can't think of anything more enjoyable than to have a gentle breeze at your back, scaling mountains and rivers, gazing at little critters in the fields below, and nothing but blue sky above.

I intend to get to it this year. Times a wasting! Where's that bonus?

Travel

Our travel for the year was limited  to a few days at Newport, RI, and trips to New Haven,, CT.

Newport is always fun. It is a walkaable city with marinas, shipyards,fishing, clothing outlets, and Panera. There are more pre-1800 building in Newport  than in most any other city in the USA. We love to move around the area, admiring the moldings, window frames, and colors. Some people take extra special care of their gardens. There is a beatiful park near the Goat Island bridge

New Haven is a day trip from where we live. We can go to visit the city in the morning, get to a lot off places, like the Yale libraries, have dinner, and be back for our favorite TV programs in the evening.   We enjoyed New Haven because of the pleasant reception we get, and the excellent tour service provided by our daughter.

Next year, we will defintely make more trips to New Haven, and maybe Litchfield, CT. You never know. We may end up in Florida if we have a repeat of the weather like last winter.

Chapters

The first years, Chapter one, I call the age of innocence and bliss during which time I experienced lots of love and affirmation from my family and those around me. This lasted, strange to say, until I was about 25 years old. This worked for me, and I wish others could have a similar benefit. It was not the love and affirmation which ceased... it never did... and it continues to this day.

Chapter two I call the age of conflict and romance. I must say there is always conflict in life, and there was before this age when this chapter begins. The real change here is the romance, because at this stage of my life, I met the most wonderful woman ever, and had to make many adjustments against seemingly great odds to pursue this love. Together we decided to forge a life, despite the difficulties. I followed the advice of my father: Do what is good for yourself, even if it may not be what others may expect. And the sage quip of my brother, scribbled on a card in a gift of a cowboy belt with a huge buckle "Be daring!" The buckle really hurt when I wore it, which wasn't too often. Love and affirmation from family and friends continued.

Chapter three can be called the age of love and understanding. This is a progression from the previous stage where the fruit of romance becomes a deep and abiding love.We learned much from each other and our love deepened. We worked together, had lunch togeter, shared the chores, switching off on laundry and the dishes. We had common funds, tried nefer to out do one another at gift times, and made Valentines Day and anniversaries fun instead of gotcha times.We raised two exciting children, who continue the excitement part to this day.

I wrote those three chapter headings almost ten years ago. I thought they would suffice for the rest of my life... I mean what can happen after love and understanding.

Today I would call the fourth chapter Caring love and loving care. It has grown to become about 25% of our married life. It has challenged me to learn so much about advocacy, care giving, medicine, and so much more that I wish I did not have to learn. But I have learned about myself too, and what it takes to carry on with hope and a dream. I do not think about what's next, but I still believe that I will live ten years longer than my father did. That chapter should be a doozy..

To be or not to be invisible: Try!

Today, I had about an hour and a half to do some things that I wanted to do. The agenda included a trip to a hardware store and to a supermarket. I had my list, and went straight to my work. I felt like I was an invisible person, speaking only to the cashiers at the two stores, returning to my car and driving home. It was a beautiful drive each way with the sounds of the 60s on the radio. Perhaps if I had stayed in NY rather than cross the line to Massachusetts, I would have met some one I know, and the experience would have been different. I could have had the same sounds on the radio and an equally pleasurable ride and perhaps some nice "how are ya's".

I would like to try to become less invisible in the next year. I could do this by staying in NY State for shopping as much as possible. I could visit the local downtown where there are people I know who run the shops. I could have a beer in a local tavern, and maybe see some old friends.

Another step to becoming less invisible would be to invite people in for a one hour conversation once or twice a week. I would be kept abreast of the gossip, and perhaps become interested in something outside my world.

I will try  to be less invisible next year.